The system of the present invention was originated to promote, create, and/or enhance various human relationships by providing a combination of participation in a game or game-like activity or activities with periods of discussion to exchange ideas on a variety of topics. The components of the system are combined in a way which are in some respects random, and yet arranged to occur so that they complement one another to provide the positive aspects that create better human relationships, and also diffuse, defuse, divert or otherwise alleviate the adverse elements that are impediments to these relationships.
There are many facets of the subject of human relations, dealing with the process of xe2x80x9cgetting acquaintedxe2x80x9d, xe2x80x9cgetting to know each other betterxe2x80x9d, and simply xe2x80x9cgetting alongxe2x80x9d.
As one example, when a group of people are moving into a new environment, such as entering school as freshmen, or starting a new job, in some instances there would be orientation programs where the newcomers are assembled for a presentation that gives an overview. Quite often the program is arranged so that the people will break up into groups for either workshops, tours of the facility, or structured activities. This may be mixed in with more casual social activities such as a get together where these people have name tags and they move freely among groups to engage in introductory conversations with different people.
Also, at conventions, seminars, and professional educational programs, there will generally be a social hour, again for the purpose of these people meeting each other on a more informal basis. In many instances, alcoholic beverages will be served (generally in moderation), and in more recent times this activity has been given the title of an xe2x80x9cattitude adjustmentxe2x80x9d hour.
In contrast to the two situations given above, some activities are established on a more continuing basis to accomplish not only the initial introductions, but also to promote long range good fellowship and also combine this with community activities. Thus, we have the Rotarians, the Lions, the Elks and many others. There are regular meetings with a meal, a period of announcements done humorously, often a program, etc.
Another broad category is the area of sports and games where, in the course of such activities, people become acquainted with each other and may become good friends. The game of golf, for example, lends itself to a fair amount of off and on conversation. Also, card games leave room for conversation, such as a period when a hand is completed and a person is shuffling the cards and dealing a new hand. In fact, quite often the more enjoyable aspect of such games is the fellowship/friendship that develops.
It is interesting to note that in most all of these situations, as indicated in the above text, the activity or event which promotes the xe2x80x9cgetting acquaintedxe2x80x9d and xe2x80x9cgetting to know each other betterxe2x80x9d is more to provide the opportunity for the acquaintanceship, but not the actual process of accomplishing it. In other words, there is the opportunity for the people to make the introduction, and then the people are more or less left to their own devices to carry the conversation further. They may xe2x80x9chit it offxe2x80x9d where the initial introduction results in a lasting friendship or at least a pleasant acquaintanceship that might be generated from time to time.
However, quite often people have difficulty in making these initial introductions into anything more than the only somewhat xe2x80x9csuperficialxe2x80x9d exchange of ideas or information on some very general topics. They have difficulty in meeting people and making friends. To remedy this situation, we have various books and programs to improve a person""s social skills. Decades ago there was the very successful xe2x80x9cHow to Win Friends and Influence Peoplexe2x80x9d, a book written by Dale Carnegy, and this developed later into a series of courses to accomplish just what the title of the book expresses.
Then when the closer relationships do develop, such as a good friendship, a family relationship, or a marital relationship, there are also books and programs to facilitate the relationships and get the people over difficulties that occur.
In view of the foregoing, it is only natural that this whole area of human communications and behavior would be studied analytically. One has only to consult a dictionary words beginning with the five letters xe2x80x9cp, s, y, c, and hxe2x80x9d (derived from the word xe2x80x9cpsychexe2x80x9d) to identify the areas of study that have developed.
Thus we find the term xe2x80x9cpsychologyxe2x80x9d, which is defined as xe2x80x9cthe science of mental processes and behaviorxe2x80x9d.
Then there are areas of scientific inquiry which deal with more severe mental problems. There is xe2x80x9cpsychiatryxe2x80x9d defined as xe2x80x9cmedical study, diagnoses, treatment and prevention of mental illnessxe2x80x9d. Out of this grows xe2x80x9cpsychoanalysisxe2x80x9d, the technique developed by Sigmund Freud that uses free association, dream interpretation, and analysis of resistance and transference to investigate mental processesxe2x80x9d. There is also xe2x80x9cpsychotherapyxe2x80x9d (the psychological treatment of mental, emotional, and nervous disorders).
There are professional counselors who deal not necessarily with more severe human illnesses or aberrations, but more with resolving a wide variety of human/social problems, whether these be problems in the work place, school, marriage, family relations, etc. Many of these counselors develop unique skills and techniques to get to the heart of the problem and find solutions.
Again, it is interesting to note that when the counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, and other such professions apply their techniques to situations, they do so where there is a xe2x80x9cproblemxe2x80x9d. Where there is a situation of sufficient concern so that the assistance of a specialist is needed, there are programs, books, courses directed toward developing high levels of competence in human communications.
To turn our attention to a rather different aspect of human social activity, In large part, these appear to be focused toward an identified goal, such as making a sale, negotiating a favorable settlement, making a speech to promote a cause or point of view, a lawyer developing the skills to convince a judge or jury, etc. In general, the goal toward which these are directed is to succeed or come out a xe2x80x9cwinnerxe2x80x9d. Thus, the person who becomes a successful salesman, xe2x80x9cgets the salexe2x80x9d and the salesman who is less adept comes out the xe2x80x9closerxe2x80x9d.
Now we come to this somewhat unique category of human relationships which is what we might term the xe2x80x9cboy/girlxe2x80x9d relationships. The efforts to foster this in some sort of program or controlled basis begin probably around the age 11 to 13, where there are school dances. Then there is the activity of xe2x80x9cdatingxe2x80x9d which in some instances may lead to becoming engaged and eventually a marital relationship.
In some instances, this xe2x80x9cwin/losexe2x80x9d approach in the area of xe2x80x9cboy/girlxe2x80x9d relationships becomes paramount. There are books and magazines on how to succeed in these relationships, how to dress, how to talk, and other guidelines to make one more socially acceptable in the particular arena of boy/girl activity. For better or for worse, this can become a competitive atmosphere.
These boy/girl relationships in general differ from many of the other relationships discussed above in this text in that there is often a strong element of emotion which could be characterized as love, dedication, a caring feeling, etc. Thus, in those situations where the emotional attachment becomes diminished, a married couple has to find out if they actually do have a sufficiently strong bond to maintain and nurture a happy marital relationship.
Now, to transfer our attention to another facet of human relationships, there is often a natural reluctance in most every person to be completely open and candid in communicating with others, particularly in the early xe2x80x9cgetting acquaintedxe2x80x9d stage. A person may be avoiding certain channels of conversation or even disguising actual facts simply because that person does not want to appear foolish, inadequate, maybe a little bit xe2x80x9coddxe2x80x9d, or embarrassed. The corollary of this is that the person would more likely want to convey information which would keep things in an area where the person would not feel threatened, or which may be more likely to enable the person to xe2x80x9clook goodxe2x80x9d or at least in areas where the person might have a comfortable feeling. Also, a person may wish to avoid bringing up subjects that might make another person uncomfortable.
In those instances where a conversation develops and one person finds themselves getting into areas where they would rather not probe, or finding themselves having a somewhat different view on issues where they would rather not have the conversation go further, the relationship often fades at the initial introductory stage.
The discussion up until now has dealt with more general aspects. To appreciate the novel aspects of the present invention, which will be discussed later herein, we should now turn our attention to a more specific activity where there is social interaction, this being a typical game of cards. While participation in some card games can be a highly competitive event, more often people will play a game of cards as a pleasant pastime, where the game itself provides interest and excitement and yet there is a certain amount of conversation that might generally be termed xe2x80x9cgood fellowshipxe2x80x9d.
For example, let""s consider a game of gin rummy. Playing a hand of gin rummy is (like most card games) a combination of skill and luck. A reasonably competent gin rummy player will try to remember which cards have been discarded, remember what cards the other player has picked up from the discard pile, and make his or her decisions accordingly. Thus during the playing of the hand, the player will usually have his mind xe2x80x9con the gamexe2x80x9d, and will not be letting extraneous thoughts demand his attention.
There is a definite recreational benefit to this, in that some of the concerns, worries or frustrations that may be bothering a person will be pushed to the back of his mind. At least during the play of that hand, the person will be concentrating solely on the game.
Then when the particular hand is finished by one of the players knocking or managing to xe2x80x9cginxe2x80x9d, there is a break in the concentration. Probably the player who is on the losing end of that hand will be expressing somewhat jokingly his frustration that he was waiting for a certain card to go out, etc. Unless the people are highly competitive and/or playing for big stakes, whether the person wins or loses, the total time period in which the number of hands are played will generally be a relaxing and enjoyable event.
Yet between hands while the cards are being shuffled and then the next hand dealt, quite often the people will engage in conversation. Assuming the people are simply relaxing after a few hands of gin after a game of golf, or playing the card game at a family get together, random topics will come up. In a way people sometimes find it easier to bring up these topics in the time periods between when the hands are played (i.e. during the shuffling or the dealing of the cards), because the time frame is short (possibly about 20-60 seconds, and the person does not expect to get involved in the subject in depth. Then if it does become a topic of interest that the two players want to discuss further, they can delay the playing of the next hand to exchange a few more thoughts. However, they will end the conversation by getting back to the next hand.
Over a period of time, assuming that people are both good natured and don""t get particularly upset if they""re having a losing streak, a friendship can develop, either a rather limited friendship where there are more frequent games, or deeper friendships where the people enjoy each other""s company in other social engagements.
This same phenomenon can occur for people who get together on a more or less regular basis to play poker. If the stakes are kept low enough to be within a person""s xe2x80x9centertainment budgetxe2x80x9d, and if the atmosphere is overall friendly even if the person has a long run of bad hands, there is time for conversation. After a hand is played and the cards are being gathered, shuffled and again dealt for the next hand, various topics will come up, whether it be a sporting event, a local political matter, some random gossip, etc.
In that kind of environment, particularly where the same people meet as friends on a somewhat regular basis, even if it""s once every several months, the people will get to recognize each other""s moods, and sense whether a person might be depressed, worried, etc. Under those circumstances the person who is somewhat depressed or concerned may feel more comfortable in discussing the problem at least to some extent during the card game, not only because he is with friends, but because it is in an atmosphere where he can in a sense xe2x80x9cturn it on or turn it offxe2x80x9d, depending on the tempo of the game.
However, if that person is getting into the subject more deeply than he would like to at that time, he has an easy xe2x80x9coutxe2x80x9d simply by suggesting that it""s time to get back to playing the next hand. Also, in these sort of gatherings, such as playing a game of gin rummy, a game of poker, a game of pinochle, hearts, etc. there is generally an understanding that the people are there for recreation and fun. It""s against that xe2x80x9ccodexe2x80x9d to bring up subjects which are highly controversial, and if they are brought up it might be done in a humorous way, so they pass it off with humor and then xe2x80x9cget on with the business of the gamexe2x80x9d.
These types of relationships are not limited to card games, and they can occur in games such as chess, checkers, horseshoes, etc.
It is the object of the present invention to provide a new system in the human process of xe2x80x9cgetting to know each otherxe2x80x9d in a format or xe2x80x9carenaxe2x80x9d where two or more people can learn about one another on neutral ground. The system of the present invention does not involve a contest. There are no winners, there are no losers. The only requirement is to have fun discovering one another. The fun comes from an arena safe from competition, judgment, and arguments.
It is further the object of the present invention to promote, create, and/or enhance understanding, mutual respect, possibly friendship or even enhance intimacy, this being done in an environment where there is a more natural and light-hearted discussion which can incorporate humor and discovery. The speaker is not intimidated by the possibility of being judged, and the listener has no need to formulate a defense to the opinion of the other.
The result is a more playful exercise in the serious arena of xe2x80x9chearingxe2x80x9d and xe2x80x9cbeing heardxe2x80x9d. The advantages of the present invention are based upon the philosophy that the more we xe2x80x9chearxe2x80x9d from one another, the more we learn who we really are and the respect we have for one another grows.
There is one basic guideline to the discussions, and that is that there are no judgments. One person may agree or agree to disagree, and yet the spirit is not to try to sway the other""s opinion. That would be judgmental and counterproductive. Thus, the fun comes from an arena safe from competition, judgment and arguments.
The main phases and physical components of the present invention are the following:
a) The activity phase or time segments in which the participants are engaged in an activity may be a game activity where there is a series of actions, events, or timed occurrences at least some of which are xe2x80x9ctriggering eventsxe2x80x9d to interrupt that activity for the communication phase. In preferred embodiments this can be a game-like activity such as a card game.
b) The communication phase or time segments is initiated by the xe2x80x9ctriggering eventxe2x80x9d, after which an item of information is provided to at least one of the participants. In one preferred embodiment, this is accomplished by having a plurality of discussion cards, which can be similar in size (or larger) and shape to playing cards. Also, in one preferred form, the information is a quotation, sometimes with the identification of the person making that quotation, and also some information about that person. Then, in this communication phase, the participants express their thoughts in accordance with a prescribed format. In one embodiment the cards also may display a question to generate some avenue of response. Other types of information items are listed elsewhere in this text.
c) The diversion/defusing phase takes place by one or more of the participants, in a somewhat humorous vein, symbolically eliminate some situation or occurrence in the discussion that is somewhat argumentative or in some other way detracting from the more cooperative, pleasant and sometimes humorous atmosphere of the total activity. In an earlier created embodiment, this is accomplished by use of the xe2x80x9csaboteurxe2x80x9d which is a physical item that symbolizes or presents an argumentative or judgmental viewpoint or attitude, and the saboteur could be humorously inactivated or diverted. This also could be, for example, a xe2x80x9cgrump-in-the-boxxe2x80x9d (which will be described later), which is activated to express or symbolize an argumentative or judgmental view, and then this xe2x80x9cgrump-in-the-boxxe2x80x9d is inactivated in a suitable manner to symbolize an end to the controversy. Alternatively, in a later created embodiment, the diversion/defusing device is a more amiable figure such as a xe2x80x9cjudge-in-the-boxxe2x80x9d who rises from a contained box to give his xe2x80x9cdecisionxe2x80x9d to abate the matter at hand. Other devices will be described elsewhere in this text.